Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.

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(818): View more from California

dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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(954): View more from Florida

I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"

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(573): View more from Missouri

Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible

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(819): View more from Quebec

there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive

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(604): View more from British Columbia

With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

What's his name?

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(727): View more from Florida

I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.

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