I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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