Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
