My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize