your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
