bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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