dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
