**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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