I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You pole danced in your parka.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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