My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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