remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
