omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
