You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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