i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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