Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
