"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize