I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
