what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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