He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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