someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
