he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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