u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
