If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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