I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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