I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
