I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it hurts more in the daytime
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
