forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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