I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
