friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
