went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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