Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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