you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
