bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
