wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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