im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
