five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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