I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
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