If that was your dad, he is hot
its not stalking. its research.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
