upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Send help, water and tortillas.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
