Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
