I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
