There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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