Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
