I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i will never coherently bang her
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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