I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
