i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize