I think i peed on brittanys purse
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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