If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
