I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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