Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
