we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize