Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
