I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
