I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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