By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
