she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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