Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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