You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
