I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
