just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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