and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
