I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Houston, we have a blender
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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