I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
