I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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