Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
