fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
