After last night, I could never be a politician.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
