as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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