dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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