don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
