was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
