Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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