I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize