She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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