he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
