dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
