I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
