its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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