So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
