I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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