p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
