then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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