Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he fucked my hip out of place.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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