i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
