Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
