While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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