I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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