i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
me + whiskey = a bad person
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
