I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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