You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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