my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
