can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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