im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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