I just saw a hot homeless man
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
