oh god the rape fog is back!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
