tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
