All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
